I’ve noticed that some people, especially moms, tend to worry a lot. Usually this isn’t my style, but I was reading a book by Anne Lamott and she called to my mind a very legetimate worry:
“…worse than sitting around crying about that inevitable day when my son will leave for college… worse than the fears I have when I lie awake at 3:00 in the morning (that I won’t be able to make enough money and will have to live in a tenement house where rats will bite our heads while we sleep, or that I will lose my arms in some tragic accident and will have to go to court and diaper my son using only my mouth and feet and the judge won’t think I’ve done a good enough job and will put Sam in a foster home)…. worse than just about anything else is the agonizing issue of how on earth anyone can bring a child into this world knowing full well that he or she is eventually going to have to go through the seventh and eigth grades.” (Anne Lamott, Operating Instructions, p.9).
She makes a good point.
I remember in 7th grade when all the cool kids had expensive baggy JNCO Jeans. I had one pair of overalls that I’m pretty sure were from Wal-Mart that I wore a sweatshirt (inside-out) over the top to hide the fact that they were overalls. They were kind of baggy, so I was almost cool. One day I was wearing this hot combo (overalls/sweatshirt) and my friend begged me to switch pants with her for the day. “NO WAY!” First of all, her jeans were not cool, or baggy, and second of all- she was very thin and her skinny jeans would just not fit me. She begged me to just let her TRY on my jeans in the bathroom and she would give them right back… and I agreed. Not the smartest thing I ever did. She tried my jeans on, and tossed me hers under the bathroom stall… and she was gone. So I squeezed into her jeans, and did my best to close them, and headed to my first class. For the first hours of the day I was so uncomfortable and self conscious in her tiny little pants. I don’t think I talked to anyone… I just plotted how I would confront her at lunch time and demand my pants back.
I never thought I’d make it to lunch that day, but when I did, I found her and pulled her into the bathroom. I peeled off her skinny jeans, that left red marks all over my legs and threw them to her under the bathroom stall. She took them, and left… leaving me in the bathroom… without any pants!!!
I waited in the stall all lunch hour and even considered darting out of the bathroom and halfway down the hall to the gym locker room, where I had some shorts. It was like the nightmare everyone has of going to school and realizing you don’t have pants on… except it was real!! Finally someone I knew came into the bathroom and I asked as nicely as I could that she go get my friend immediately. My friend came in pouting and after I probably made a few threats… she removed my pants and passed them underneath the bathroom stall. But of course, not before she dipped them into the toilet. I went to band class after that with wet overalls and no lunch.
Sorry little baby, that’s what’s awaiting you in about 13 years. There’s nothing we can do! But now there’s cell phones, so if you ever get stuck in a bathroom stall at school with no pants- I promise, I will deliver some to you. Even baggy ones, if you really want to look like that. Not JNCO Jeans though, they’re too expensive.