This time of year I get numb to all of the snow and cold. I’m not shocked or bedazzled or appalled by the falling snow and icy roads anymore like I was a few months ago. I just barely notice. I think “Yep, still snowing, of course it is. It’s still bitterly cold… so what?” But then every once and a while I get a bit riled up about it and think… “What??? It’s STILL winter? I’m stuck in traffic again? It can’t be! I can’t take the darkness or the cold anymore!!!! WHY?” Then I scrape my windows and return to not caring or taking note of it.
The same thing has happened as I’ve struggled with feeling ill through this pregnancy. At first I couldn’t function because I was so out of whack and distressed about how awful I felt. Then I kind of stabilized and I could function with nausea sitting beside me (instead of on top of me). I would just not give my attention to the bad feelings and try to focus on something else. But this week… I’ve been feeling a little worse and for whatever reason I’m having a hard time ignoring it. I’m thinking “NOOOOOooo, this isn’t still happening! It’s not possible to feel this bad for 7 months! I can’t stand this anymore!! WHY? [weep/ gnash teeth]” Then I go to bed at 8pm.
I don’t feel nearly as bad as I did 2+ months ago…. but I feel quite a bit worse than I did one week ago. It’s like: the ice storm is over and the windy blizzard that collapsed the Metrodome roof has passed and now I’m getting all upset about the 2 inches of snow that fell today. It’s ridiculous.
Baby… we are very excited for you to come out into the light so we can meet you.