Still Waiting Expectantly

I hate waiting rooms.

I hate sitting there, watching the brass clock tick- I hate those Highlights kid’s magazines and looking at the ugly painting of a bouquet of pastel flowers in a giant vase or two little kids walking in a meadow (like that ever happens). Those minutes spent in the mauve vinyl chairs of a waiting room… are minutes of my life I can never reclaim.

Early in my pregnancy, I went to an eye appointment. Just a regular ol’ check up. I was so dizzy and nauseous I felt like the room was spinning. They had all of these books of optical illusions- which didn’t help my situation. I had to close my eyes, or focus on a spot on the floor so I wouldn’t throw up. It took everything in me not to drop to all fours on the floor… just to stabilize. The receptionist kept telling me, “Sorry, we’re running behind, the doctor will see you in ten minutes.”  Fifteen minutes later, the receptionist apologized again and asked if I wanted her to clean my glasses while I waited… probably another five. Yes!! -as long as you stop saying numbers (ten, five). Numbers make me think of clocks, and clocks make me think of circles, and circles remind me that my insides are spinning in circles!

I never thought I’d make it through that waiting room experience, or that appointment… or that month… or actually these nine months. Everyone was telling me it would get better- and I would forget all about it soon, and that I should eat crackers and ginger. I could hardly hear what they were saying over the quaking and queasing and shaking and swirling I was experiencing. But somehow, I got through the worst of it! Tomorrow’s my due date!!!! From what I’ve learned in waiting rooms- the time on my schedule reminder card doesn’t always (very rarely) matches the time that I actually go in to get my braces tightened (or what have you) but it means that the hour is near!

I know that when the baby is ready, and when we are ready, she will come. I hope I don’t end up having to wait way past my due date… but if so, so shall it be! We are excited for her to be on the outside but there is plenty of time for that. I’m having some feelings that resemble those I have in a waiting room… the impatience, the tapping, staring at the clock- the wondering how much longer, but mostly I’m enjoying not being trapped in a waiting room and trying to enjoy life as I know it for the unspecified amount of time between now and then. Today is a day for celebrating because today the anniversary of the day that Grant was born! Just more proof that babies do come out! And I’m glad he did! Happy Birthday Grant! Here’s to many more years of waiting for things together!

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